the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
