Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
