Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
