I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
