Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
