I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
