Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
