Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
