Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
