My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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