We won't sleep together?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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