I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
