I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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