i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
