Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's like iHOP with fire
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry my hands just texted you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
