the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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