the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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