I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
