my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
