I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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