talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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