I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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