So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
