I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
