Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
