Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
