Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
