My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
