i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
