how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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