John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
