Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
