We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
