I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
