oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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