glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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