I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
