I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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