Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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