I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
