If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
