I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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