I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
