in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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