I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
