Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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