She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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