drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
