stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
