i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
