probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
